Wednesday 25th May 2016 (12.05pm)

3/10 – Interesting morning with GP, my 10 minute standard appointment turned into 30 minutes! I feel like I am in a constant battle with my head. My thoughts are not rationale. Long conversation with GP with regards to my immediate safety. I escaped an urgent referral to the Community Psychiatric Team for this afternoon. My reluctance to go was evident. We discussed course of action and I was given some telephone numbers to contact should I need help. My medication has been increased from 50mg to 100mg which I need to… Read More

Tuesday 24th May 2016 (9.38am)

3/10 – Feeling really low and fed up this morning. Not sure why? I guess that is depression for you. Maybe because it is ‘A’s’ birthday and its another 1st anniversary of a significant event where we are not together. I am seeing the Force Medical Advisor (FMA) and counsellor later and at the moment I have no idea how either will go. (8.46pm) It turns out that today was extremely difficult. The FMA has finally signed me back fully operational with regards to my knee. That is good news. I was… Read More

Monday 23rd May 2016 (11.57am)

5/10 – Woke up quite tired with sore eyes (all the bugs from yesterday – should wear glasses), and some muscle soreness. I did a recovery swim and had a sauna. I have received lots of kind messages on Facebook and Twitter in relation to yesterday’s achievements. Whilst I am not after praise or recognition, it is nice to know that people have acknowledged and taken the time to comment. I have also over the last couple of days had more social interaction with friends and I have made arrangements to meet… Read More

Sunday 22nd May 2016 (8.32pm)

Not quite sure I will be able to write much tonight or even make much sense. I feel quite tired after the Velothon! When cycling around the 140k route, I did not mentally feel in the game which is not like me when I am out on my bike. My official chip time was 5 hrs 28. Out of 969 female finishers, I was 150th. Overall I was 3301 out of 8814. Chuffed with that. 5/10.

Saturday 21st May 2016 (1.44pm)

4/10 – I am sitting in Coffee #1 having not done any exercise (which I hate); however I need to rest these legs for tomorrow. I feel a little bit more enthusiastic now I have got my kit ready, put my number on my shirt and added my timing chip to the front of my bike. I start at 8.31am in ‘Pen R’. I really did not think I would be off work this long. I know people say that these things take time, but for someone with no patience I am… Read More

Friday 20th May 2016 (10.28am)

6/10 – Not feeling too bad this morning, maybe it is because I have a plan for today which gives me a sense of purpose and direction. I woke up at 4.45am with my brain spinning things around (about divorce of all things). I got up early and went for my 1 mile swim. I feel happy that I am getting faster and stronger in the water. Perhaps I wont drown at Tenby Long Course after all!! I need to go into Cardiff to pick up my Velothon Wales pack. I am… Read More

Thursday 19th May 2016 (11.18am)

5/10 – Went to David Lloyd, had a mile swim and then a relax in the lounge. Work is still playing on my mind, and I am worried about what will happen when I return and where I will be based. It is the last thing I need to be worrying about when my mind is where it is. I do not think I will be returning to work when my sick certificate expires next Wednesday.

Wednesday 18th May 2016 (10am)

4/10 – I arrived at David Lloyd at 6am and spent the whole morning there. I did a mini triathlon with some yoga chucked in after the swim! I have never done yoga before but a few people have said how beneficial it is for you both mentally and physically so I thought I would give it a go. The session lasted an hour, and whilst I think I enjoyed it I found it hard for my brain to with off. My brain kept drifting and I found myself thinking about random… Read More

Tuesday 17th May 2016 (12.25pm)

3/10 – Phone call received from work seeking my views on a possible developmental move. Whilst I do not want to move to be a Sergeant anywhere, if the opportunity for an Acting Inspector role came up somewhere then I would move, but otherwise I would like to stay put. It is difficult for me to think about work at the moment and whilst work need to know what I want to do, I do not believe that I am in the right place to make any important or informed decisions. Undoubtedly… Read More

Monday 16th May 2016 (6.46pm)

3/10 – Not sure what is going on today, but feeling quite fed up. This is a bit of a contrast from yesterday when I felt I was not doing too bad. So this is what is meant by the ‘highs’ and ‘lows’ or ‘ups’ and ‘downs’? I have been to the gym but not done much else.