Tuesday 17th December 2019 (8.42pm)
I was going to title this support ‘from unexpected places’ but I do not like the word unexpected, it feels wrong to call it that in this instance but I do not know what word to use. I am hoping this will become clearer.
I have written about my struggles over recent weeks which have at times been sad, upsetting, frustrating, disappointing (I could go on with the negatives but I won’t).
I take great comfort in the amount of people who have contacted me. I guess this is where the word ‘unexpected’ comes from. I have had so many lovely messages from people who I have not seen for many years (some going back to school days), from people who I am linked to on Facebook but do not know particularly well and from people who I know in passing from run club but who I have not had lengthy conversations with. Also from people who I have never met through social media.
Many of those mentioned above do not know ‘George the police officer, the detective, the Sarge’ George, who for the last 17 years (minus the last 3.8 years) who put on the uniform, worked shifts, dealt with criminals and vulnerable victims on a daily basis, led a team, passed CID, Sergeant and Inspector exams, loved and lived for the job, yet turned into a stress head who strived for perfection. George who eventually stood one day, as a Temporary Inspector looking out of her office window recognising that help was needed.
I often think how ‘the job’ that’s what we ‘in the job’ call it changed me. That is not a point for now. Most of the people in my life now never knew or met that George. Never saw a change, never knew me how I was. My ex partner never saw me leave to go to work, never heard the stories when I got home, never worried about me, never understood my passion and what I was about, never understood the complexities of my world. Never knew my life. I should have spoken more about this. I didn’t. My life prior to April 2016 much different to what it is now.
This is where I want to also thank those from my police family who have contacted me. There is a mutual understanding, respect and compassion for what we see, do, feel and how we deal with things. An understanding of how we carry things within our heads, our shoulders weighing heavy. Those who day in and day out go out and fight what seems a losing battle. Again, I have received lovely messages, words, support and encouragement from people who I did not directly work with, or didn’t know particularly well, or have recently got to know through messages. Whatever happens with me and my police life next year I will be forever grateful to the ones who have supported me. People who knew me as the police officer either in passing, through working incidents together or though being on team.
I suppose I can sum up ‘unexpected’ quite simply. This goes out to the people who I do not speak to on a regular basis, or in some cases for many years. Those people I only know in passing or through a mutual passion such as sport. Those people who do the same job. Thank you.
For those who have always been there you are pretty special too xx