Where is my motivation?
Monday 22nd October 2018 (11.46am)
It’s been a while as I have not had the motivation or words to write. Even now I don’t really know what I am going to say. I guess you could say that things are a bit flat, like I am sitting on a plateau waiting for something to happen. What that is I do not know. My events are done which ended with Cardiff half marathon a few weeks ago. I am running (or walking) a 5k on Saturday for The Royal British Legion and the Poppy Appeal and apart from that I have no other concrete plans for events for next year. There is something in the planning phase but I will update on that when I know more and everything is confirmed.
I am still working with my Ironman coach as I need his structure and planning in my daily routine. Today I started back on a program in anticipation for 2019. I am not putting any pressure on myself to do what I did this year. 2018 was incredible and it took a lot of dedication, hours and commitment and at the moment I am not interested in putting myself through all of that again. I would like to do something in a different country and have looked at marathons in Paris, New York and Berlin. I have been extremely fortunate to have run London the last two years but perhaps now it is time to run other roads, and get a mini break out of it.
Last Wednesday I returned from a week away in Dubai. It was a last minute book as I decided that I needed to get away to physically recover and mentally reset. Things were starting to get on top of me and my head felt too consumed by everything. It was racing around with no escape. I felt plagued by physical and mental exhaustion and I could only feel things getting worse. I went on my own and my days consisted of lying on my sun bed, eating and reading books. Perfect in hot temperatures. My P.E kit came away with me but stayed in the wardrobe. I had no energy or motivation to do anything. I don’t think I have ever felt so demotivated than what I have over the last few weeks. I just have no energy to do anything so I am hoping that my training program will give me a good kick up the ass.
On Thursday I began my Emotional Regulation Therapy course. This should be interesting considering my emotions have been drained from me over the last few years. It is 12 weeks long so hopefully I can grab some useful tools from it.
I had my routine appointment with GP earlier. We discussed my blood test results which I had done before I went away and I am being sent for a head scan to rule out anything with regards to my constant brain ache. It is likely to be down to stress and tension with everything going on so I am not particularly bothered. My medication has also been dropped a dose to see if that will keep me more awake.
I am conscious that this all sounds a bit doom and gloom but it isn’t. I am ok. My relationship is great, Olly continues to entertain and I am always grateful for the people I have around me.