Today has been one of those days when my head has been slightly off centre and somewhere else. I guess you can say it has been distracted by some events with work. It has been decided that I will be referred to another Psychiatrist (3rd) for yet another opinion. The appointment is scheduled for later in the month. I don’t want to see another Psychiatrist as I have had enough of digging up the complex issues which form the basis of my mental health. I have become good at talking about what I am comfortable with but to dredge stuff up again stresses me out. Whether I disclose what I did with Psychiatrist 2 I don’t know. It is quite possible that this report will be different to the last two and where does that leave things? I feel like my illness is being questioned. This has spun me into a destructive mood and earlier all sorts of things were flying through my head. Being impulsive is difficult as my brain reaches 100 miles per hour in a split second. It is hard when I am like this to think of the techniques I have learnt through mindfulness, counselling or CBT as at that point nothing really matters.
I was at the gym when all of this was going on. I had already postponed a meeting with my line manager who I was supposed to meet with at 2pm as I was not really up to it. The meeting has been rearranged for Monday.
As for now, I am feeling ok. I am still stressed out about what is going on with work and what will be a third opinion and more than likely a 3rd different diagnosis!
Tomorrow I meet with Psychiatrist 2 for some Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. This is a new one on me so I will let you know how it goes.