A decision made on Frosty the frozen embryo
Monday 28th May 2017 (no time recorded)
Things have been going really well for the first time in ages. Over the past few days, I have felt positive, my head seems to be in a better place and I appear to be more focused and alert. On Friday I had went out cycling (on the hottest day of the year) and met a friend for lunch. I did a park run on Saturday but I have done no exercise over the last two days.
I feel strange this evening. I have made a decision about my frozen embryo and that is to have it destroyed. I posted the letter confirming this earlier on. If I had £325 then maybe I would have kept it, but I simply do not have that type of cash for a decision I am 90% certain about anyway.
There are a number of reasons why, but simply it is because my life has changed. The baby was planned under different circumstances. I no longer have that life of a relationship and stability (if I was ever stable). I am sad about it, but I had to think reality and if I could cope on my own. Would I have always been reminded of what me and ‘A’ went through? I also could not afford to bring up a child on my own. I may not be on my own forever, but such reasons, along with others helped me to shape my decision.
I hope I do not live to regret this decision. Had I been younger then maybe things would have been different. I feel empty at the moment, to think of poor little Frosty being thawed out. Memories flood back of what me and ‘A’ went through; the happiness, the joy, the laughter, the excitement and then of course the grief and the hurt. As it is a bank holiday, I doubt the post would have been collected this afternoon. If it means that much to me and I change my mind over night then I will ring the clinic tomorrow.
Apart from the way I am currently feeling, I have been floating around at an 8/10.