Friday 10th June 2016 (9.11am)
2/10 – Not doing too good. After I finished writing last night I deactivated my Facebook account, watched some TV and went to bed. I couldn’t sleep for a while and again I felt as if I just wanted to go out but I had no energy. I felt that I was breathing too fast and I could not settle. I set my alarm for 5am not knowing if I was going to swim or gym; when it went off I ignored it and stayed in bed. I am feeling a bit lost with myself. I have read some of my book in bed but I know it is best I make an effort to get up and head to David Lloyd to see if that helps. I do not want to speak to anyone today. I have received a ‘whats app’ message from a friend but don’t feel like replying – not yet anyway.
4/10 – I am at David Lloyd and my mood has lifted probably because I just got on the treadmill and ran like Gump for an hour. Sometimes it is exactly what I need and it is the only thing that helps. I am just having a text conversation with my mum and I said about my run and why. She mentioned about going down and I said about my isolated state, but I may do next week depending on the weather.
I am back at David Lloyd, having booked myself into spin class. I do feel tired and I have not had much too eat today. Again, I kind of feel that I do not want to eat. I had a phone call from a good friend from work. It was nice to speak to him. I am not sure if this spin class at 6pm will kill me or wake me up. The people on the table next to me are eating chips and they smell scrummy.
4/10 – Back at home now and I am glad that I went to gym as I saw a friend who I have not seen for ages. We always used to see each other when I got there after work and that is how we got chatting. She commented on how much weight I had lost. Spin class was good but I did not stay around afterwards. Euro 2016 started tonight so that will keep me occupied for the next few weeks. I will probably go swimming in the morning and then have a day off training on Sunday. I had a quick look on Facebook before deactivating my account (again) – it just annoys me, and puts me in more of mood. I do not want contact with the outside world.