Saturday 28th May 2016 (10.24pm)
4/10 – I am wondering if this is how it is going to be and I question if I have always been like this? perhaps there is no magic 10/10. I know I have to give the increased medication time to work but unfortunately I am not the most patient of people. This mornings gym session consisted of an hour on the Wattbike followed by a 30 min run. I am struggling with my left knee, but I wont stop and don’t care about it. Perhaps this is part of my self-harm and wanting to punish myself attitude.
3/10 – I am sat on Penarth cliff top feeling really fed up. Not helped by the fact that it is pay day and I am back to my Sergeant wage which is considerably less than what I have been used to. I also feel that I have no got enthusiasm for food. It is like I cannot be bothered to eat or even think about eating which is not like me. I wonder if this is a side effect of Sertraline?
Though I am at Penarth cliff top, I do not mean literally. It is what the place is called. I am sitting on a bench overlooking the sea; however, I cannot see much as it is rather hazy. It is a warm day and the park behind me is busy. Fed up of feeling fed up.
I have taken a walk down to the seafront . Not quite sure what I want anymore – with anything.
No improvement in my mood. When I left Penarth I headed to a local coffee shop and sat outside reading my book.